Relationships

A Christmas Care - Role (Carol) Who Cares? for the Carer? Dementia/Parkinson's/Old Age/Grief/Loneliness

A Christmas Care - Role (Carol) Who Cares? for the Carer? Dementia/Parkinson's/Old Age/Grief/Loneliness

In the story of Jesus’ birth there are three kings who come bearing gifts. In Charles Dickens’ The Christmas Carol there are 4 ghosts who visit Ebeneezer Scrooge. His business partner Jacob Marley and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

On 11th Dec 2020 our world changed when my father suddenly passed (https://www.happylifehabits.co.uk/news/2020/12/24/live-love-learn-amp-legacy) away within 36 hours. He was the primary carer for my mum. We had the gifts and ghosts of : Old age, Grief, Loneliness, Parkinsons and Dementia. That was part of our inheritance.

Without those gifts and ghosts this article would not be written, published and shared.

As time goes by the probability that someone close to you will be impacted by dementia is increasing. 

“One of the hardest things in life is to know that you can not stop the decline as you witness firsthand the diminishing cognitive capacity of a loved one due to progressive incurable neurological conditions such as Parkinson’s or Dementia. 

To observe them becoming a shadow of themselves day by day; the impact on their physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual wellbeing. Knowing there is nothing you can do to stop that decline. Experiencing the loss each day as anticipatory grief.” 

Shaileen Shah - Carer, Happy Life Habits Coach, Speaker and Trainer.

This article is about my role as a carer for my mum who is elderly, grieving, lonely and suffering from the progressive and incurable neurological conditions of both Parkinson’s and Dementia. It shares the perspective of the carer, the challenges faced, how best to look after yourself as well as how to look after and interact with someone who has these conditions or someone you are caring for. 

I salute all those who are carers of any type and ask you to support those who you know who are doing a caring role.

Her Majesty The Queen 1926 - 2022 Happy Life Habits : Positive Grief : The Dash

Her Majesty The Queen 1926 - 2022     Happy Life Habits : Positive Grief : The Dash

I share this poem, The Dash, in the Happy Life Habits Positive Grief talks along with some science of what grief does to the brain, ways to cope with grief and help others.

The poem is short yet very powerful, timely and reflective.

A NEW HOPE? OR NO HOPE?

Sometimes with the restrictions of lockdown, the negative news, so many deaths and cold, dark winter we feel like there is no hope and at other times hope is all we have.

The original classic Stars Wars was titled Episode IV : A New Hope. In this blog article I share some recent positive news stories, resources and Happy Life Habits activities.

Live, Love, Learn & Legacy

Live, Love, Learn & Legacy

Twas the night before Christmas …

What a year 2020 has been - no understatement there. I have had highs and highers. The year started with a lovely party celebrating the 40th Birthdays of 2 of our friends. It is ending with us grieving the sudden and quick loss of my dad. What starts must end. Where there is life, there is death. How we live, spend our time, energy and attention between life and death determines our life. In most cases we do not know if we will die today, tomorrow, next week or years from now - therefore life and time is precious.

TAKE MY BREATH AWAY : THE INEVITABLE - DEATH, THE END OF LIVING - ONE YEAR ON

TAKE MY BREATH AWAY : THE INEVITABLE - DEATH, THE END OF LIVING - ONE YEAR ON

The theme of death and loss is back in my awareness. Over the months we have explored it in Young Jains Enriching Conversations. Many friends, family and people in the community over the last 2 weeks have lost a close loved one. I shared with them an article I wrote last year upon the death of a close friend, Bobby Shah, on 15th October. The article has my thoughts feelings and also some resources that may help. Since originally writing it almost exactly a year ago I have shared it with many and edited to include a wonderful podcast from commune. Really do check out the article and resources - share with those who you may know are dealing with the loss of a loved one.

Happy Birthday - Time to Connect

I write this on the eve of turning 50. What to say? These birthday celebrations are way different from what we had in mind last year or even at the beginning of this year. We were making plans to have family from USA and Kenya come visit during the summer and arrange a few get togethers with both sides of the families - both in terms of mine and my wife’s as well as both in terms of my dad’s and mum’s side. This is a lot of people. The celebrations would be for my son turning 16, completing GCSE exams and me turning 50. With the pandemic issue we can’t have more than 6 people meet.

I remember before I turned 24, I had just started my first real job and career out of university. I was a junior consultant in a US based technology consulting firm. I had been to Cambridge, Massachusetts for month long orientation training. During one weekend we had driven to New York, the Big Apple. I was then back in the UK working on projects, work then had become quieter in the UK. During September they shipped a few of out to projects in the USA. I ended up in Lansing, Michigan for a good few weeks. One weekend we took off to Lake Michigan - more like am ocean than a lake. I ended up spending my birthday weekend driving with a friend to Toronto, Canada where he had his family. I was away from family and friends. Being with my friend and his family was fine but I felt alone and did not enjoy that birthday experience. I enjoy being around people, especially family and friends and I enjoy celebration birthdays. Happy Birthday - I has HAPPY in the phrase and it has Birth - Life, so a Happiness Coach calling his company Happy Life Habits loves celebrating birthdays be they his own or others.

I was reminded by Facebook of a post from a few years ago which is a real treasure and I share here which share the difference between a contact and connection.


A Monk of the RamaKrishna Mission was being interviewed by a journalist from NY.

Journalist - "Sir, in your last lecture, you told us about Jogajog (contact) & Sanjog (connection). It's really confusing. Can you explain ? "

The Monk smiled and apparently deviating from the question asked the journalist:

"Are you from New York?"

Journalist - "Yeh..."

Monk - "Who are there at home?”

The Journalist felt that the Monk was trying to avoid answering his question since this was a very personal and unwarranted question. Yet the journalist said: “Mother has expired. Father is there. Three brothers and one sister. All married..."

The Monk, with a smile on his face, asked again: “Do you talk to your father?"

The journalist looked visibly annoyed...

The Monk - “When did you talk to him last?"

The journalist, supressing his annoyance said: "May be a month ago."

The Monk: “Do you brothers and sisters meet often? When did you meet last as a family gathering?"

At this point, sweat appeared on the forehead of the journalist. Now who was conducting the interview, the Monk or the Journalist? It seemed that the Monk was interviewing the Journalist.

With a sigh, the Journalist said: “We met last at Christmas two years ago."

The Monk: “How many days did you all stay together ?"

The Journalist (wiping the sweat on his brow) said: “Three days..."

Monk: "How much time did you spend with your Father, sitting right beside him?"

The journalist looking perplexed and embarrassed and started scribbling something on a paper...

The Monk: "Did you have breakfast, lunch or dinner together? Did you ask how he was? Did you ask how his days are passing after your mother's death?"

Drops of tears coming out started to flow from the eyes of the journalist.

The Monk held the hand of the journalist and said: “Don't be embarrassed, upset or sad. I am sorry if I have hurt you unknowingly... But this is basically the answer to your question about "contact and connection (Jogajog and Sanjog)". You have 'contact' with your father but you don't have 'connection' with him. You are not connected to him. Connection is between heart and heart... sitting together, sharing meals and caring for each other ; touching, shaking hands, having eye contact, spending some time together...You brothers and sisters have 'contact' but you have no 'connection' with each other...."

The journalist wiped his eyes and said: "Thanks for teaching me a fine and unforgettable lesson"

This is the reality today. Whether at home or in the society everybody has lots of contacts but there is no connection. No communication... Everybody is in his or her own world.

Let us not maintain just "contacts" but let us remain "connected"; caring, sharing and spending time with all our dear ones.

*****

The Monk was none other than Swami Vivekananda


Lessons Learned at 50

There are many people who have come into my life, there are many mistakes made, lessons learned, many inspirers, many joyous moments and continue to do so. Some of these lessons relate to a few themes.

TIME is our most precious resource. We don’t know how much we have left so use it wisely.

CONNECTION is central to our existence. The much loved and shared Brene Brown quote says it all. Check out this awesome blog on connection.

We have 3 main relationships or connections:

  1. with our self

  2. with others

  3. with our higher self, nature, universe, God

The Happy Life Habits logo is all about connection, it is a connected pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

The below quote was share on HLH Community group when within a few days we developed the HLH Book Club. Thanks Mary T for inspiring it.

‘Time is our most precious resource. We should not waste it. If it fits with my mission, serves, feels right, positively impacts, makes me smile, adds to the greater good, enthuses and inspires me and have the opportunity to be with wonderful like minded people - why wait?
— Shaileen Shah.

Manage your TIME, ENERGY & ATTENTION

I am hoping to share sessions on this in 2021

HABITS OF THE HEART & SOUL : GRATITUDE, COMPASSION, KINDNESS, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, MINDFULNESS

return wonderful returns when developed - they are all about connection.

Our life is made up of a series of moments. We live moment to moment. The more happy moments we can have and create the happier our life will be.
— Shaileen Shah - Happiness Coach


All the current Happy Life Habit projects and activities relate to these themes : The Happiness Boosters, The Gratitude Workshop, The Gratitude and Journal Habit Immersion Course, The HLH Book Club and the newly launched Inspiration Point. I look forward to connecting with you and being part of the Happy Life Habits Community with you.

Many thanks to all the attendees, participants, partners, supporters and sponsors.

With Love, Warmth, Gratitude and Kindness

Shaileen Shah - The Happiness Coach - 50 Years Old - still got a long way to go.


A request dear friend and reader.

(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.

(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.

(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.

(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.

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Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.

Mental Health Awareness Week - Saturday Live Event 9:30 -10:30 am

Support & Services for Mental Health Awareness Week 18 -24 May

Support & Services for Mental Health Awareness Week 18 -24 May

Happy Life Habits is supporting and serving Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. This article shares the support and services provided by Happy Life Habits and some other organisations.

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM : WE'VE LOST CONNECTION

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM : WE'VE LOST CONNECTION

This article follows on from The Ups & Downs of a Happiness Coach: Craving Connection. This one is about loneliness, suicide and connection. This is what its like to feel lonely.

With the massive changes we are currently facing of Social Isolation, Social Distancing, Lockdown etc. and this likely to continue for many months is going to have an impact on peoples mental health, sense of connection and people are going to feel lonely, hopeless and suicidal. This article and is here to serve as for you all to tap into you spider senses and keep aware of that tingling feeling to raise the awareness to watch out for your emotions as well as those of others. More so that ever we need to actively reach out, check in and keep connected and help others to also do so.

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS PART2

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS PART2

This article contains some of the ideas shared at the Happier Relationship Part 2 workshop that Happy Life Habits delivered on 28 February 2020 at Shri Chandana Vidyapeeth (SCVP London) Jain School. It is a follow to Happier Relationships Part 1 which should be read and watched first.

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS

This article contains some of the ideas shared at the Happier Relationship workshops that Happy Life Habits delivered on 14 February 2020 at Shri Chandana Vidyapeeth (SCVP London) Jain School. The follow on part 2 session is on 28th February 2020 at the same venue.

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS EVENT DEVELOPMENT

Happier Relationships mind map.jpg

I’ve enjoyed the creative process to development the Happier Relationships Workshop content being initially delivered on 14th and 28th February.

I’ve drawn upon a variety of materials from Personal Development, Spirituality, The Science of Happiness, blog posts, articles and personal experience to connect ideas and develop the workshop on Happier Relationships. I am really looking forward to share these and help impact happier relationships.

The 2 sessions are part 1 and part 2 and will involve stories, science of happiness research, activities, video and slide presentation. Open to all, free, bring pen, notebook and friends.

Happier Relationships part 1 and 2

Action for Happiness have a February Calendar on Friendship/Relationships which help stimulate ideas for action for you to take.

Action for Happines Relationship Calendar.jpg

There is a 21 Day Simple Living Challenge on 29th February. It’s free and online. You get an email each day with an idea or activity to reflect on and action if you so wish. The email has links to a video, article or further information if you want to explore more.

A great way to shift mindset, try something new and fun and observe the benefits that lead to happiness.

Some examples are

Day 1 Declutter Your Home. Give Away At Least One Thing You Don't Need.

Day 2 Make Time To Unplug. Reduce Screen Time Today.

Day 3 Spend Ten Minutes In Silence

Day 4 Clear Out Your Inbox / Mailbox

If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.

About the Author

Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.

THE INEVITABLE - DEATH, THE END OF LIVING

“Life and time are the two best teachers. Life teaches us to make good use of time and time teaches us the value of life”. Over the last few years I have been attending more prayer meetings and funerals for family members, friends parents and wider community members. Each time it is a stark reminder of how short life is, not to waste time on the mundane and to do the things that matter. Also each time I am often at a loss on how best to respond, what to say and how to provide some support and solace despite deep feelings of empathy and compassion. Each time it makes me reflect on my ageing parents and in-laws and ultimately on my own life and mortality.