We started and ended 2023 with grief. In January my aunt passed away and last week on Wednesday my father in law.
This is Life.
Since the Review 2023 blog in early Dec life has radically changed. One weekend we are celebrating Christmas with family; joyful moments, lovely food, games, photos and conversations making memories. The following weekend, having the funeral for my father in law, feeling shock, disbelief, grief, sadness and much more. This is Life - joys, happiness and sadness, grief.
‘Khabie Khushi Kabhie Gham’ - sometimes happy, sometimes sad.
I have found that writing helps me express my thoughts, feelings and cope with the changes.
On Christmas Day (Sunday) my father in law, Harshna’s dad, who is in Kenya had an emergency operation which went well though a bit more complicated than initially thought. Tuesday night we get a message that the body is struggling to cope with the changes of the operation. Wednesday evening I take the call to be told that he has just passed away. Devastating news. Harshna and her brother made arrangements to go to Kenya landing on Friday morning for the funeral and cremation on Saturday. None of us have slept well these last few days.
Time has gone strange - it’s just about a week since he passed away yet a lot has happened in that week. The first few days felt they were passing very slowly.
We had our first New Years Eve apart in a long time, second maybe in our 27 year marriage.
December and January are heavy months for us with various family member death anniversaries including my father’s near beginning of December and father in law towards the end.
There are some resources to help with grief we have created and collated including a video of losing a parent, spouse and helping children. These can be found at https://www.happylifehabits.co.uk/positive-grief.
Highly suggest you save/bookmark the link and go through the materials before you experience grief. As the brain on grief goes haywire on emotions/thinking.
Gulabchand (Jayendra) Premchand Kanji Shah (Hansas)
27-5-1947 - 27-12-2023
Gulabchand (Jayendra) Premchand Kanji Shah (Hansas) 27-5-1947 - 27-12-2023
He was calm, humble, friendly, helpful, funny, curious and happy to learn.
We are grateful to have had him in our lives creating many memories. In particular in the Summer of 2023 when we had a family holiday together in Kenya.
I am grateful for technology that allowed Harshna to video call her parents each day and stay connected.
I am grateful for international travel options.
May Your Cup Always Overflow
--John Paul MooreI've never made a fortune,
And I'll never make one now
But it really doesn't matter
'Cause I'm happy anyhow.
As I go along my journey
I'm reaping better than I've sowed
I'm drinking from the saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
I don't have a lot of riches,
And the going's sometimes tough
But with kin and friends to love me
I think I'm rich enough.
I thank God for the blessings
That His mercy has bestowed
I'm drinking from the saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
He gives me strength and courage
When the way grows steep and rough
I'll not ask for other blessings
For I'm already blessed enough.
May we never be too busy
To help bear another's load
Then we'll all be drinking from the saucer
When our cups have overflowed.
May your cup always overflow.
I am reminded in the difference between contact and connection shared in Positive Grief, here is the snippet:
In the full Positive Grief talk I shared at a high level the Top 5 regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware. Earlier this year some friends recommended reading that book. I got hold of it and read it. It is awesome. Sharing the observations of a palliative care nurse who looks after terminally ill patients in their final stages.
The empathy, care and compassion Bronnie showed in her role has helped me in my role as a carer for my mum. See blog post on A Christmas Care-Role Who Cares?. Reading the book expanded the top 5 regrets.
Top 5 Regrets of the Dying - Bronnie Ware
A palliative nurse called Bronnie Ware who cared for people in their last 12 weeks of life has captured in the book The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying :
I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. (Values/Purpose/Meaning)
I wish I hadn't worked so hard. (Balance)
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. (Emotions/ Gratitude Letter)
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. (Connection)
I wish that I had let myself be happier. (Focus on Happiness)
Personally and through Happy Life Habits I am working on not having these 5 regrets.
How about you?
Shaileen Shah - Happy Life Habits Coach, Speaker & Trainer
Happy Life Habits rewires hearts & minds for better productivity, happiness and wellbeing in 10 minutes a day. We help you move out of the comfort zone and into the learning/growth zones. Our products and services help develop habits and continuous personal development.
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Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
Happy Life Habits Positively Impacting Happiness & Wellbeing Levels